I had blocked her and all her family on social media so no one could know what I was up to and I could just disappear. Here are ten reasons why exes reach out years later. This goes double if you had a true friendship at the center of your bond. I'm not annoyed by it, I just don't understand if it makes sense? Turns out, we have thought about each other since and by the time she realised, was too late as I had married the next women I went out with. If this companionship usually hurts you when they ghost you again, its better not to indulge in it. What do you intend to do now that your ex contacted you? On the other hand, if theyre calling because they want to get back together, youll need to think carefully about that. He also had trust issues before we got together. I'm Sorry for What Happened His email said that he'd had some things on his mind. When exes come back after months, there could be a rosy side to it too. 2 Take a moment to work through how you feel before replying. You had strong feelings for your ex, things didnt end well, and you dont want them disrupting your life. I understand why one might feel this way to be honest. This Is What You Should Do When Your Ex Reaches Out To You She said she feels guilty for our relationship (as I was involved with someone else at the time.) Friendships are funny thingssome of the relationships you think are the deepest are really reflecting more about the intensity of that time in your life, not the genuine depth of the relationship. Throw out an invitation to hang out in a super low-key environment. Discussions must remain civil at all times, and women must be allowed to dominate the discussion. Perhaps they feel genuinely guilty about hurting you so badly and cant find their peace until you forgive them. Ex Royal Marine forced out of the military after he developed hearing My ex had these things to say to me after our relationship had ended over five years earlier. Most adults in their 40s and up spent long hours on the telephone as teenagersthey were the way we deepened friendships, kindled romances, and were able to comfortably whisper our deepest secrets or express our angerwhen there was no other way to get close to the friend, romantic interest, or ex-romantic interest. Some couples break up in the heat of the moment for ridiculous reasons. They are Feeling Lonely. I cant say for sure, but its time for you to move forward from this person. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. If it was a nasty breakup and you still have some resentment toward this person, you will have to fight the urge to not curse them out loud. I had never mentioned it to him as since I had miscarried it didnt seem like there was anything to discuss. Despite their problems in their relationship, they were soul mates, and theyd never been able to find such a deep connection with anyone else since the break-up. He thought were friends and the fact that he cheated on me was very conveniently swept under the rug. He was understanding and glad to know I am happy. I dont care why youre reaching out now. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), My Ex Is With Someone Else But Still Contacts Me, decide if you want to be friends with your ex, They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, what to do when your ex contacts you years later, when an ex boyfriend contacts you years later, when an ex girlfriend contacts you years later, When A Guy Cries At The Thought Of Losing You. What does it mean when an ex contacts you years later? Why would an ex contact you years later? He contacted me on the exact date we broke up 4 years ago in february. But ultimately, she wanted me to know that she feels bad for how mean she was to me when we broke up. For some strange reasons, exes seem to pop up when were at our lowest, making it easy to forget about how terrible the relationship was and give in to their charms. Maybe your ex has actually stopped being an emotionally abusive person. I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. Acknowledge it. He even tried to call and make the appointment for me. 24 Little Signs Your Ex Might Want To Get Back Together - Bustle If the relationship ended bad, let's say cheating involved or constant arguing while together I'd say let it lay and don't bother. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. Although your ex could want you back, its much more likely that he or she will just want to find out how you feel about him/her and try to learn what youve been up to. They get curious or nostalgic, so they reach out via text, call, or social media. So yes, exes come back years after the breakup. His entire purpose was to find out truth from me. When your ex finally does that, youll quickly regain your power and be able to say how you want things to go. My ex and I are talking again, can this lead to something more complicated? But do it because you want to re-connect from where you are now in your life, not expecting to re-connect in a way that doesn't reflect the ways in which you may have changed and grown over time. That passed quickly anyway. However, if youre thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely. And then he behaved in such a way as if theres nothing to be addressed about how awkward the whole situation is. When an ex contacts you years later, you need to focus on why they became your ex in the first place. They could have seen something on social media and became unable to stop thinking about you. We shared that we'd both stayed hung up on each for years after the break up. A closure response. What role are they going to play? AM, has an ex ever reached out to you years later? How did the - Reddit You might be the kind of person who does not stay friends with their exes and the sudden texting might throw you off guard. Sometimes time apart makes your ex realize what they lost when they walked away from your relationship. I think it is best I keep my distance to avoid stirring the pot. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to ask your ex some questions back. But if your ex keeps messaging you afterward and shows a lot of interest in you in one way or another, then your ex probably wants to be friends or is gathering the courage to ask you out again. But other times, a conversation with your ex can also provide your ex with an opportunity to: When your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend contacts you years later, your ex finally gets over the anger, disgust, contempt, or suffocation caused by unhealthy perceptions and becomes okay with talking with you. No matter what the scenario is, it will take some time to settle your thoughts if you have to handle an ex coming back years later. The Teaser Trailer For Daisy Jones & The Six Just DroppedHeres Everything We Know SoFar, The Best Dating Sites and Apps: Complete List of the Top Online DatingPlatforms, Best Hookup Sites: Top 30 Free Hookup Apps and Websites for Getting LaidTonight. Many exes contact their previous partners years later. Pro tip: Keep your mind open and your heart closed. Tell him, "thanks for calling, hope he is having a good life". I got a message on Linkedin today andI'm so confused (the message said I came up in their feed I don't even know how that's possible we live in opposite side of the world, work in different industries and don't share contacts)? But instead of telling yourself something like, My ex contacted me after 2 years and Im starting to think they have genuinely changed, try to take a minute to assess the whole situation. As most of the comments say it depends on how the relationship was. Yesterday, he said, My ex and I are talking again. Very small group of 3,500 so chance of me seeing a message from her I worked out was like 20 million to one. The first time was about 6 months later. So, before you slam a sarcastic emoji in their face, grab a tea or a book. I don't think it's reciprocated on my end & I thought not replying would prevent another attempt to be honest. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), What To Do When An Ex Reaches Out After Years, Is It Common For Exes To Get Back Together Years Later. What Does It Mean When A Guy Calls You Sweet. Temper expectations, but reach out if its something you feel you would like to doregardless of the response. Your ex could just come back to patch his or her wounds and take you for granted again. The Real Reasons Your Toxic Ex Keeps Crawling Back - According To Programs. When you get a text from an ex, all youre probably thinking about is what they want. Unless your ex-partner was an abuser, listen to what theyve got to say before deciding how to handle the situation. My ex messaged me after a year. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. A year later one of his fraternity brothers reached out and let me know how he was doing and "he's really sorry for the pain he inflicted, can't you forgive him?" What if you start talking again and old feelings resurface? As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. Different people have different norms around contact and friendship over time and after a relationship ends. If thats the case, theres no harm in having a casual conversation. Go away. The bitterness, anger, and disappointment buried deep down may rear their ugly heads when this text lights up your screen. By reaching out, they determine whether their ex hates them, likes them, loves them, respects them, or feels neutral about them. Reaching Out to Old Flames and Former Friends - Psychology Today It really depends on a number of circumstances such as the cause of your breakup, whether your ex has moved on completely or not, if your ex hates you or has no bad feelings towards you. They are not trying to rekindle the relationship or become friends. I dont want to bring up the passed too, rather move forward for the sake of everyone involved. Getting back together with an ex years later is possible. He'd tried to reach out to me a couple times after the break-up. You can also use the online chat. That was all he wanted and said hes glad Im ok, never heard from him since. Jaseena tells us how to put a lid on overthinking. He tried to hint that he was looking for an affair and then I blocked him. You might be able to tell perhaps by their tone that your ex is reaching out because they're bored, lonely, or having a tough time moving. The expectations are usually running wild when you have not moved on completely. In the abuse survivor community, this type of behavior is known as "hoovering." When people are experiencing anxiety and fear about their health and well-being, and uncertainty has become the weather and the climate," they often want to make amends with people from their pasts. My wife got sick after 2 years and I have been her carer since. The only way to stop overthinking in this situation is by either ignoring the message or giving a very indifferent response, which basically screams out that your ex doesnt matter to you anymore. Its easy to indulge an ex when you still have lingering feelings toward them. Is there any ulterior motive? (in 1997 she broke off an engagement she was 22 and I was 28). I suggested spending more time together at hers, or going away together somewhere to stay for a period. So, we have jotted down these 8 points for you to ponder on before you decide to reply to that text. These details seem very random, especially when she would send me this out of the blue after so long. Each relationship has its own unique conclusion. Even if I couch them in "we didn't know any better, but you did X"? Ive written about the signs that your ex secretly wants you back and what really happens when they do but Ive neglected a little fuzzy grey area. He was going through the program and wanted to make amends. It could be your mental peace, could be the relationship with your new partner. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? Ex messaged me after a year and a half : r/ExNoContact - Reddit Its kind of like the phrase about not lending money to friends if you cant afford to lose it. Is there space for them if youre planning on letting your ex back into your life? Every relationship ends differently and there is no strict rulebook to follow when it comes to dealing with an ex contacting you years later. When An Ex Contacts You Years Later THIS Is What It Means Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! I felt that she was just trying to ease her guilt rather than anything else, and it wasnt my job to do that. Your mentality has changed, and things are not how they used to be. One of the most famouscouplesto break up and get back together were Prince William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Personally I've never reached out to an ex - but my abusive ex of 5 years reached out to me. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. Three times in ten years sounds just like he wants some (very minimal) contact with someone who he spent five years of his life with. What To Do When Your Ex Calls You Again After 5 Years At the time of our relationship, I was still keeping a lot to myself emotionally. . so yeah. Society typically tells us that people don't change. Just the prospect of talking to an ex after years is bound to give you a lot of anxiety. Reaching out to an ex years later can play out in one of two ways, you either connect with each other again or nothing good comes of it. He didn't know where I moved to. :). Advertisement. First off, it's good to pause before responding. You dont owe anyone an explanation for not responding. In todays article, well discuss why an ex would contact you years after the breakup and how to respond to specific reach outs. Been talking to my ex for about a month and for 1st time in 10+ years I feel happy. Since then he has reached out different ways every 3 years or so (emails, instagram) and I never replied. The next thing you know, youre back in an unhealthy relationship because you were enticed by a moment of weakness. I think he feels very alone in life right now and he reached out because he saw I was connected to his sister on social media. If your only reason to respond to the text is to get that closure, its better to leave the text on seen. Additionally, make sure you tell your partner when yourex contactsyou so it doesnt appear as if youre hiding anything. If that's what he needs from me I'm afraid my reaction might not offer much comfort. I was living back in our old area for a little while and had been spending every weekend that summer at a beach club. The ill-fated lets be friends cliche is still alive and well. This kind of reciprocity is what makes confession responses a great way to respond, especially if your ex called you during no contact to fix things. They didnt expect you to be this chirpy so soon. I'd be more likely to reach out to his wife and apologize for not seeing sooner how hurt she was, and that I was being selfish (I was, entirely). We celebrate the happy, imperfect love without judgment or bias, and strive to help people love more mindfully by viewing their relationship patterns from the lens of mental health and psychology. TL;DR: Yes, because our break-up needed closure. It could mean that your ex received forgiveness, validation, or that he or she eased curiosity. Your ex might be a changed person more decency, less infidelity. If exes come back when you stop caring, youve got to make sure you remember not to rush into anything and not over-indulge. You are busy. We were both in happy LTR's, so there was no flirting or anything like that, but it felt really good to speak honestly and openly. If you are in a monogamous relationship and your exs texting you is making your heart throb in your stomach, you need to spill it to your partner. If your relationship was healthy, you might not feel the need to speak to the person, or you may still have them in your life. Theres no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship. Dont reconnect expecting the relationship to start back up at the depth it existed years ago. later: 1. But the only one I have on social media now is the one that took my virginity. He has a wife and two adorable girls now and Im happy for him. When the call, email, ortext messagecomes, dont feel that you need to be polite. 12 Things To Remember When You Run Into Your Ex, 7 Unspoken Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex. You should be careful so you dont misinterpret your exs behavior and get mislead and hurt. There is simply no need to reconnect with him now that youre married and doing well. People change over time, relationships shift, and priorities and interests shift as well. Once you give in to the temptation and reply to their message, you might be left utterly confused about their motivation for texting you. You're Finally Over Your Ex (then they reach out) @Susan Winter He'd already tried to reach out to me a couple times, but I wasn't ready. We all think back and wonder why it what if or how different have I become? Your ex may not want you back, but when it takes your ex years to reach out, you can tell that your ex has been thinking about you for so long that he or she changed some opinions of you and mustered up the courage to contact you. Anyways, I was young and didn't handle the situation well. My advice is to not get distracted by what your ex says too much and instead look at the things your ex asks or expects from you. Thanks once again. I was unable to provide the support he needed at the time, as I had not healed and wasn't ready to let go of my trauma (my therapist says I didn't want to relinquish the power he had over me - that it was a continuation of the abuse.) My ex messaged me after a year. If you stay in no contact (and you should), youll recover in a matter of days (most likely). It's a theme in literature, film, TV shows even in the way products are marketed. This is particularly common with exes who feel stifled in the relationship, and as though they were missing out on something else by being with you. My ex contacted me after 2 years and I couldnt help but immediately respond to ask her what she wanted. It was interesting seeing him again. I think you did the right thing. I wouldnt bother replying to an ex who dumped me years ago, even if Im unattached. How I Felt When An Ex From Years Ago Emailed Me to Apologize There are some things only you know about your partner. Until that happens, you dont do anything. They dont get to stalk you on social media and meeting you in person is beyond their reach. Have you ever had an ex friend reach out years after a bad - Reddit I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. Now that theyre dealing with issues concerning the things only you know about, theyve got no one else to turn to. Sometimes, the ex comes back with a text to just check in on you. When an ex contacts you years later, talk to someone about it, 5. Ex trying to reach out several years after break up. How do I tell them :-/ They left. In my opinion, love is love whether its platonic or intimate, in the end the outcome effect can be the same. 6. What is their intention? Unfortunately, though, she didnt miss you long enough. Many years have passed since you were together, so naturally, youve matured and changed quite a bit. The X-Men timeline desperately needed to sync up at one point, and 2014's "X-Men: Days of Future Past" was the vehicle that helped mash together the multiple versions of "X-Men" history. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. It was like a weight lifted. They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, so they remember their exes and use them as a backup plan. Keep up with Elizabeth on Twitter and attracttheone.com. 10 Signs Your Ex Is Testing You | How To Respond? After 4 years, my ex reached out to me asking how I have been (The end of our relationship was somewhat mutual. I think she just wanted to test the waters for a while since she missed you. 2021 now (keep in mind weve known each other since we were 6, now 22) Stopped talking in 2019 cause I screwed a lot up being a bad friend (during the aftermath she was too. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. He got married but still contacted me for some reason. she also said as a married woman, an affair would be devastating and destructive.